So how much of a Doctor Who fan are you?  Did you just join in 2005 with Number Nine, or were you there in the old days?  Well, what about the really old days?  Back in the days of black and white episodes where the enemies weren’t Daleks or Cybermen, but were Aztecs,. or Romans, or Dinosaurs?  Miss those days?

Yeah, neither do we.

Still, if you’re up for some old school – and I mean actual OLD old school – time travel educational black and white scifi adventures, then Captain Z-Ro is the show for you.  Ok, ok, so this isn’t a “movie” exactly, it’s an episode of a long-running series of these, but hey… any video in a storm, right?  This particular episode features Christopher Columbus, the delightful gentleman who discovered Columbus, Ohio.

Did you ever wonder how little effort making a scifi movie in the 1950s actually required?  I’m not talking about laziness – though that was (obviously) rampant.  No, I’m talking deconstructionalism, laddie.  How little one could actually do to create a scifi movie while still creating a scifi movie.  The pinacle of this was, obviously, the classic movie “Monster A Go-Go”, which featured (as it was revealed in the last few minutes) no monster whatsoever… or at least it did by the final cut.  Today’s film comes a close second, in that it stars… a floating helmet.  That’s it.

So an alien crash lands and, upon realizing that the locals don’t take too kindly to his kind ’round these here parts, he decides to hide by… and I am not making this up… taking off all his clothes.  Because he’s invisible.  Yep.  Panic and chaos then ensues as an invisible (and, remember, naked) alien is hunted by the authorities.

Sometimes, I wish I had a time machine.

Not only that, but (as the title would indicate)… we’re doing a DOUBLE FEATURE.

That’s right – for starters, we’ll be serving up Episode 2 – Atomic Rulers of the World.  So far, this has only been performed at NMACon and on UStream, so this is the first appearance for it south of the frost line.

Then, once Atomic Rulers is a fading traumatic experience, we follow up with the WORLD PREMIERE of our newest movie… Invasion of the Bee Girls!  This black comedy scifi sex romp from the 70s is the first entry for the 2012 season, and this is the first time we’re doing it in public, so that’s always fun.  And it stars Will Smith!

So… if you’re going to be in the Detroit area April 27th-29th, stop by and pay us a visit!  We’ll have candy.

So if you’re in the know on Space Transformers, you already know that the Koreans produced a whole bunch of these knock off movies in the 80s – they are to anime what Asylum Films are to actual movies… character designs and basic plot points were copied, and then re-made into inferior films.  Then, Joseph Lei paid money – actual money – for these films from the Koreans, hired a couple of guys in a van to do voices, edited the hell out of them, and re-released these movies to the English speaking world. 

The unique thing is… in his editing, he removed enough from other movies that, in the end, he had removed enough footage that he could splice it together and make ANOTHER movie.  One with no plot, no real characters, and stock footage explosions galore.  Not only do ample tracks of Defenders of Space and Space Transformer appear inside this movie (as part of this movie, completely devoid of the actual context) but when it is showing what appears to actually be original animation for this movie… the entire thing is a bloody Tron rip-off.

No seriously.

Why?  Because Joseph Lei DOES NOT CARE.

Wherein I, Dr. Hal Sirveaux, will share with you a bad movie that exists in public domain and that we at the CFTP Research Institute are considering for use in one of our future shows.  This week, the movie is a special piece of cinematic dirt that’s fantastic both in it’s reach towards success and it’s ultimate failure… that’s right, I give you… Frankenstein’s Daughter!

Released in 1958, Frankenstein’s Daughter follows the adventures of… no, not Frankenstein’s Daughter, that would be too obvious (and an entirely different movie we’re also going to be covering).  Nope, this is the adventures of his dopey, sexist, irritating grandson who attempts to pick up where ol’ Grandpoppy left off, only now in the modern and believable setting of 1950′s LA.

In other words, they managed to take one of the greatest horror concepts of all time, combine it with the 50′s B-Movie format, and produce something significantly worse than either of the parents.  Grandpoppy would be proud.

Download Links (should you want to add this movie to your collection… god only knows why)

I am posting this mostly so potential future conventions can see the sort of general show we provide… if not the actual show itself.  In the future, we’re going to try and have a dedicated actual video camera recording the festivities, and we will also have this episode available for download in it’s cleaned up, not sucky format once we have it finished.  Stay tuned!

Ahem.

I don’t actually want to, but it’s going to happen anyway.

Cinematic For The People took off for it’s inaugeral flight on Saturday, April 30th, 2011 at Penguicon in 2011.  We, along with a decent size crowd, arrived in Ballroom F at 11 PM to prepare for the show.  Unfortunately, none of our speakers… which were sort of instrumental in people hearing the movie… joined us until almost 1 AM.

I have to seriously, SERIOUSLY hand it to the crowd that showed up.  You guys were a class act.  Not only did a large chunk of you not bail on us, but several people stepped up and helped.  After a few minutes of panicked collecting of technology (this is a Linux convention we’re talking about here) we were able to cross connect my laptop into the projector’s speakers, which was not nearly loud enough, but was able to provide enough sound for… well, Mike and I… to hear the movie over the increasingly loud Rocky Horror Picture Show taking place next door.

At this point, Space Transformers turned from a riff session to… sort of… a “call and answer” sort of thing, where one of us would shout out what the dialog was saying, followed by the other one doing their best to riff on the movie despite the growing chaos erupting around us.  Several members of the audience (including an awesomely game and particularly helpful great Luke Ski) also joined in the riffing, which was good because then at least everyone could hear someone making fun of the movie, even if it wasn’t us.

Unfortunately, no record exists of the evening, because the people who were supposed to be recording it on video and taking pictures were amongst those sent to go find us speakers, so that never actually… got done… so in lieu of that, here’s the set list for the show:

• Act One – Introduction – Wherein Adam realizes that the previous panel (thieving Rockband bastards!) stole the speakers required to hear the movie.  The entire premise (Adam sold his and Mike’s souls to HypocondriCo in order to get permission to make fun of “a” Transformers movie) is more-or-less glossed over in the rising chaos.  Hal Sirveaux is sent out to find speakers.
• Movie
• Act Two – While we’re waiting on the speakers to arrive, Adam challenges Mike to a “Clip Off” using the prepared horrible clips lifted from YouTube and other sources that they’ve brought.  Mike’s clips have apparently been sabotaged, as they’ve all been replaced with cute animals – that or Mike is a sick, sick man.  Ends with All Your Base challenging the Trololo guy, which would have been deafening… if anyone could’ve heard it.
• More Movie
• Act Three – While we’re STILL WAITING for the speakers, it’s time for the HypocondriCo sponsored host segment, a “drug trial” of the new experimental medicine Sideffectol.  Since HypocondriCo’s scientists have not determined what Sideffectol actually “cures”, we give it to the audience to see if it fixes anything wrong with them.  The medicine, which looks suspiciously like jellybeans, scares off Mike (who is diabetic) so Lauren The Intern (and part-time dominatrix) takes him out into the hall and gives him a special… non-oral… variant on the medication.  Mike wobbles back in a few minutes later.  There was also SUPPOSED TO BE a list of side effects that Hal was supposed to read off, but since he was still out looking for speakers, we had to skip this part.
• Even More Movie
• Act Four – Adam and Mike try and reach Hal via satellite, only to find that Hal gave up looking for the speakers and was seduced by Dr. Frankenfurter of the Rocky Horror Picture Show next door.  Speakers finally arrive anyway.
• The Rest of the Movie
• Act Five – Sensing a lack of unity (and since they didn’t get a chance to do one at any other point in the evening) the guys end the evening with a somber sing-along.  Even Bohemian Rhapsody can’t quite restore the broken hearts and minds of those involved.